Yet another judgement day is coming. There are things that I would have liked to have written before this, but time has not allowed me to do so. Judgement day is coming. I am sorry to all the friends and family that have helped if I have not included some of the kind and funny anecdotes that have happened. I will include in future I promise. 
 
I cannot sleep. My son sleeps soundly at home in his own bed. My wife and daughter are not at home, they are in the hospital. Recently a central line was put in; this will enable the administration of the chemotherapy and a lumbar puncture was done. Within minutes of awaking from the operation my daughter was tucking into a rather large ginger bread man, stuffing her face with chips, having a drink of apple juice and watching  the Justin Fletcher  DVD that had been bought for her by our very kind friends. 

It is not the chemo that bothers me, it is the waiting for the results of the lumbar puncture.

It’s funny, but as I write and read back what I have written it is like reading a book or watching a film. This is not happening to me, nor to my family.  My daughter, who only today bit my fingers very hard and enjoyed every second of inflicting pain on me (just for the fun of it (more fool me for saying ‘bite dads finger’)). Who enjoyed punching me once again, is getting better. But she is not. My chubby little girl is not getting better, every moment that passes by the cancer spreads and grows, just that little bit more. Every day that has passed since the operation on the tumour she has got stronger! She has walked across the rooms, bumped her way down the stairs, gone on a mini a train ride and drawn a picture.  

Staff at the hospital are fabulous!!! They are working as fast and hard as they can, I cannot fault them. Yet as I walked around the ward and saw all the children without any hair, looking frail, connected to machines that whir and buzz I began to realise that my daughter was, is one of them. To look into their eyes, to see the parents and chat to them, I find it incredibly difficult to appreciate that I, we, as a family are one of them. 

As I looked into the eyes and heard the voice the head doctor I realised that all is not well. Judgement day is once again upon us and soon we will hear what will happen. Life or death? Treatable or terminal?  If it death, let it be soon, I believe in quality of life and I do not believe that anyone should suffer. If it is life, well let’s get on with it. Let’s fight the fight (if my little girl fights half as well as she punches then the cancer does not stand a chance!!!). Let’s see what tomorrow will bring. (apologies for any typos)