A beautiful night?

Speak about be careful what you wish for, where was I on Friday night …the hospital with my daughter getting a top up of the red stuff.

I visited the doctor a few weeks ago and she said words to this effect ‘you are now starting to feel the effects of the diagnosis of your daughter’. How very true. I started writing it in the honeymoon period where things were a blur and everything happening so fast, I was living in a bubble. Now the reality has hit, the grind, the steady erosion of the mind, body and spirit.  I found last night very difficult in the hospital, for hours on end I heard and saw babies no older than a year old crying, choking and gasping for breath. Their parents and nurses sang nursery rhymes, walked with them and administered drugs to them, yet still the still these young lives were distressed. They clung on to their short lives, gasped, rasped for breath. After what seemed a lifetime and could very well have been theirs they settled down into some form of sleep.

As I write and read these  words back I realise that I must, for my own sake see this as a positive experience, goodness knows how, I must use my daughters illness as a positive event and tell myself that there will be a positive outcome.

To be honest there was a positive event. As I was taking my daughter out of the car we saw the moon last night was beautiful. A few clouds drifted slowly, lazily high up in sky, the air was light and cool, I held my daughter gently in my warm arms and we looked up at the moon. This is a moment in time I would never have had it not been for my daughter cancer.